Twinkle Twinkle
by TheBlueFoxtrot A Samba
Summary: Superboy has some second thoughts. Robin has his own way of dealing with them. The effects are long reaching.
1. Twinkle Twinkle

Disclaimer: So's to avoid any legal attempts at defenestration, I'll say it now. Real vampires don't sparkle. Oh, and I don't own these guys or much else aside from coffee.

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><p>Superboy sat at the water's edge while the moon hung high in the sparkling night sky. The ocean reflected a vague image of the moon's figure, hardly more than a silver smudge on its surface. White pin pricks dotted the inky black night, complimenting the full, luminous sphere. The waves washed over his bare feet, boots discarded behind him, and wet his pants from hem to calf.<p>

He barely noticed. His thoughts and attention were focused inward.

Sometimes, he almost wishes he'd stayed with Cadmus. Alive without feeling. He almost thinks it would be better than this. Because this feeling, a tight twisting in his gut, stinging behind his eyes, his thoughts chasing each other, and hurt, is too much. It hurts. Because all he knows about Superman is that he is so great, and he does amazing things. That is who he is supposed to be. Who he was _created_ to be. He exists because of that man.

But that same man gives him nothing of himself. Not his time, or his attention, or acknowledgement. Only rejection. And it hurts, way deep down, all over, and it's so confusing because he doesn't understand, and he feels so stupid and angry at himself. Because he doesn't know what he did, to make him act that way. He doesn't know what he needs to do to fix it.

Why won't he just talk to him? Why won't he tell him what to do? He'd gladly take an order from Superman. Anything he said, he'd do, gladly. If only the man would just _look_ at him and recognize that he is here. He exists. Because of him.

But he won't and all he has is the hope of waiting that maybe one day, he'll come around. That's what Dinah had said, right? That day seems so far from now when he feels such terrible loneliness pull at him.

Sometimes, he wonders if he'll even care when that miraculous day comes.

He might not care out of spite. Months of neglect, and Superman decides to come around. He might just claim that he needs to be somewhere else, like the other side of the planet, and leave the Man of Steel all alone.

Maybe Superman would hate him then. Because he can't seem to get anything else from him. At least people _think_ about the ones they hate, right? If he were to become everything Superman fought against, he'd hate him.

But if he ever did that – murder, lie, steal – he'd hate himself. So then, there _were_ some things he wouldn't do, even for him.

At least there, he wouldn't ache like this.

Numb and blank. Told what to do, told what to feel. Always told be numb.

Sometimes, he really missed that.

He didn't know how long he sat there alone in his tedious thoughts, and he wasn't completely sure when the other boy got there, but Robin sat next to him, still in uniform after his training session with Black Canary. He hadn't been able to make it earlier because of some business in Gotham. By this time, the rest of the team was home and in bed. Neither spoke for a long time. In fact, Superboy didn't even acknowledge the younger hero's presence.

"That's Orion."

Superboy blinked, just coming back to himself, and looked at Robin from the corner of his eye. He saw that Robin wasn't looking at him, but up at the night sky.

Somewhat annoyed at the interruption, as it was a private pity party, he snapped. "What?"

Casually ignoring the lightly threatening tone, he grinned. "You don't see him?" Robin leaned back on his elbow and pointed. "He's right there, plain as, well, day."

Superboy turned warily from the Boy Wonder to look where he was pointing.

"All I see is stars."

Looking completely gobsmacked, as much as he could with his eyes hidden, Robin gasped dramatically. "You mean to tell me you can't see the warrior Orion and his trusty utility belt?"

Superboy felt his familiar friends annoyance and confusion creep up. They three had gotten to be good buddies over the last few months. "Utility belt?"

What kind of foolishness…

"Of course! Just follow that line of stars there."

"Where?"

What in the world was he talking about? Had he gotten hit too hard during sparring or something?

"There!"

Superboy sighed and looked again. This was ridiculous. They were just stars. What did Robin see –

"Do…you mean those three stars there?"

"That's the belt. Now look around it."

Superboy didn't have to look to know that the other boy had a 'full of himself' smirk on his face; he could hear it. Still, he did as he was told and perceived the vague impression of a person holding –

"Is that a bow?"

"It sure looks one, doesn't it? Look behind him for a right angle triangle close to a really bright star."

Intrigued, Superboy looked again. He found them and a few others that looked like they went together, but didn't immediately see it.

"What are they supposed to be?"

"The Canis Major."

"The Big Dog," Superboy translated.

He stared long and hard at the constellation.

"Well?"

"It doesn't have ears."

"Imagine, then."

"This is stupid."

The silence that followed was common. Oftentimes, Superboy would say something to either Wally or Robin, and both boys would merely stop. Like they didn't know what to say. He felt that if they'd been talking to each other, that silence would have been filled with comments that would have been considered offensive if the two were any less friends.

He felt that a lot of times, they thought he wouldn't get it. He hated that they were probably right.

"That's the Big Dipper," Robin said instead, pointing to a constellation that did indeed resemble that object. "Now broaden your scope some. Tell me that doesn't look like a bear to you."

"It doesn't look li-"

"Oh, come on!"

Robin threw up his hands in mock exasperation and threw Superboy a lazy glare. The Kryptonian hybrid shrugged and looked dangerously close to amused.

"You said to tell you it doesn't."

"But you do see it, right?"

"In a weird, modern art kind of way, if I squint and turn my head," Robin pushed his arm, and he let himself move with it. "then yeah."

Robin went on to tell him the story of Perseus and Andromeda in his own convoluted way. A few times, somewhere between Perseus stealing the Graeae's eye and how he did eventually end up killing his grandfather, Superboy almost laughed.

He truly appreciated the distraction.

Sometimes, he thinks he would have been better off had he stayed with Cadmus. Every time he does, he's reminded how wrong that thought is.

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><p>AN: Forgive me if my information concerning stars is wrong. My bad, yo.

Also, angst is not exactly my cup of tea. Not to say I don't enjoy a good old-fashioned 'everything sucks' fic ('with a side of I shall overcome!), but I'm not terribly good at it. What I'm saying is, I would like some genuine feedback a bit more substantial than 'I liked it' and 'I didn't like it'. Um…why? Just tell me why or why not. Please and thank you:)


	2. Little Star

It didn't occur to me until I was typing the title to **Twinkle Twinkle**, but I had a series on my hands here. Consider this an **_unofficial_** prompt fill for the Nursery Rhymes Challenge.

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><p>He was good. He wasn't great, but he was good. He'd get better in time, with more experience. It was going to take time and patience, a lot more sturdier punching bags, patience, effort, discipline. Above all, it was going to take the patience of a saint.<p>

Dinah was as close as it came to a saint, but she fell far short of actually being one. Even she snapped sometimes. Although he could take her hits, his pride stayed bruised for days.

If saints were qualified as such by their patience, Superboy dared not name what that made Batman. Because while the Dark Knight could stake-out a target for forever and a day easy, he had _no_ tolerance for anything short of perfection from his subordinates. _Especially_ when it came to taking time out of his own schedule to deal with him.

Superboy was lucky if he got out of those sessions with an ounce of self-esteem and dignity.

He'd take Robin's word that it'd get better. Not easier, but better. _Eventually_, he'd learn what Batman really meant when he spat out sarcastic comments. He'd _get used to it._ While he was no expert on the matter, he wasn't sure if that was psychologically healthy.

Oh, and his form of praise? Just what did he say to motivate him?

"It could be worse."

And what did Robin tell him?

"He wouldn't insult you if he didn't care."

Oh, yes! That made so much sense!

Yeah, no. That was insane. They were both insane.

It would be worth it though, one day. He'd outshine the old man, as he'd taken to thinking of him. He'd be a hero in his own right, earn his own name.

He promised himself. Someday, he'd be more than just Superboy. And the old man…he'd be the one who was like a nightlight next to the sun. He would _dare_ Superman to try and ignore him then.

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><p>These will be short. Probably not even reach 1000 words.<p> 


	3. How I Wonder What You Are

He didn't go to the shore today. He stayed in his room and stared at his ceiling, flat on his back. If he went out, one of them – Robin, most likely – would try to talk to him. He always spotted something off before the others. For some reason, Batman's partner just didn't ever leave something alone either. He just refused to let him wallow.

So he stayed in his room and did it in privacy. If the Gotham native invaded his territory, it'd be the first time.

His current subject of wallowing wasn't a new one. It just had a new…light to it after recent events.

Simply, was he a Kryptonian or a human? They'd found information on Cadmus, on him. Superman was only used for half of his DNA code. The other half was Lex Luthor. Superman hated Luthor…

So what did that make him? Human? Kryptonian? A hybrid mongrel. Or just nothing. Nothing worth giving a label to.

He absently wondered if he could take his mid-life crisis early. Most people hit middle age when that happened, and they did something reckless to get things in perspective. Technically, he wasn't even a year old yet. Superboy was a teen hero, and anything reckless was more likely to hurt other people.

Maybe he could do something normal?

What was normal? Some people said there was no such thing. There was average, but there wasn't normal.

That left him coming back to the question: what was he?

Was he a person or a thing? People thought; people felt.

I think therefore I am.

I am what?

Was he even _real_?

From the hall, light, barely-there footsteps trailed toward his room. Someone knocked at his door, and he ignored it. Someone kept knocking, and he didn't acknowledge it in any way. Eventually, the knocking stopped and the door slid open, revealing the kneeling form of the team's hacker extraordinaire. The little cord to his glove-computer was slipping back into the glove as he stood up.

He smiled and waved.

"Hi."

Superboy thought about blatantly ignoring him, but thought better of it. No doubt Robin would retaliate in some annoying manner.

"Did you just break into my room?"

"Nah," he dismissed, "I didn't _break_ anything, and I'm not actually _in_ your room," he gestured to the threshold of the doorway he stood in a 'See?' manner.

"What do you want?"

Robin leaned against the door and shrugged. "Just checking."

Superboy sat up without urgency.

"Checking what?"

"To see if you'd drown yourself in your own un-joy and sorrow."

Despite the made-up word thrown in there, Superboy got what Robin was trying to say. And he didn't appreciate it. Rather than any false reassurances, the hulking teen turned his head away and did something halfway between a scowl and a pout.

The shorter raven haired boy sighed. "You know, just because you have, like, three dads, doesn't mean we love you any less, right?"

He frowned. "Three?"

"Superman, Luthor, and Desmond."

The 'duh' was implied in his tone.

"Oh, and don't worry. I hear baldness isn't hereditary. Insanity though…well, I'm sure you'll be fine."

"Lies!" Wally screamed as he suddenly pushed past Robin and hung onto the door frame, "You're doomed, man! Totally doomed!"

Robin and Superboy both stared at the red-head. Not because he'd suddenly come up out of nowhere and said something random; that was _his_ normal. But he was literally vibrating in place. That was new.

"Dude, what is wrong with you?"

"Haveyoueverhadredbullbefore?"

He sounded very much like a chipmunk.

"What?"

"He asked," Superboy said, "have you ever had Red Bull before?"

Robin's jaw _dropped_ dangerously low. Wally's eyes flicked over every surface in the room, rapidly skimming everything. His face twitched around his eyes mostly. Waiting until his eyes flicked to that corner of the room again, Robin swiftly threw a pair of birdarangs at Wally who easily side-stepped them.

He turned excited green eyes towards Robin.

"Wally, you have to calm down. We _need_ to calm you down."

"Youhavetocatchmefirst!"

With an insane cackle, Wally sped away.

"Oh, for the love of Kevlar!" Robin dragged a hand down his face. "Are you gonna help with this?"

There was a crash somewhere, and what sounded like Artemis threatening to shoot Wally from a catapult. Robin ran off before he could answer.

He didn't have answers to his identity crisis. Not the ones he was looking for anyway. One thing he _did_ figure out? He was one of them.

Superboy reluctantly got up to go find Megan. She'd probably be able to bake something to lure their speedster. There was no point in trying to catch him with speed alone.

Down the hall, he heard something solid slam into something even more solid and metallic.

"Kid! Would you stop trying to go through walls already?"

"What is happening?"

Kaldur sounded as if he was sincerely hoping for a reason that made sense. For once. It was...charming how optimistic he insisted on being.

"Iwasalmostthroughthattime!"

His team was crazy.

_I think, therefore I am. My team is crazy, therefore if I am part of that team, what does that make me?_


	4. Up Above the World So High

He wondered about Superman, generous and attentive as the media made him out to be. He wondered if the Man of Steel could even _see_ the people he rescued from how high he was. He wondered if he realized how proud he was. Did he really think himself that important? He certainly acted like it, even if that wasn't the case.

He didn't overly care. He thought about it with as much concern as one thinks characters in a book or movie. Idle speculation.

He wondered when he started seeing Superman's problem with him as just that: the old man's problem. When did it become a running joke among the team of how long it would take the Man of Steel to flee from his presence? There weren't even _villains _he ran away from as fast.

When did he stop caring?

He couldn't remember. He couldn't find a single fiber of his being that cared either. At times, it was odd to realize that, remembering how…_dependent_ he was on the idea of belonging to him. But it didn't matter anymore. Because he was so far _beyond_ Superman.

That man had taken one look at him and judged him on the spot: unworthy. Lacking. Not good enough. In truth, Superboy had no idea what his…genetic relation truly thought of him. That would require talking either to or about him. He did neither. However, actions screamed much about one's feelings.

Before, he remembered it'd hurt his feelings, being rejected like that. Now, he didn't talk about it since, it didn't matter. He was his own person now, rather than being born yesterday. He could handle things on his own, without needing the old man's approval. Without needing someone to hold his hand.

Superman's attention was unattainable. Completely out of reach. Conner was so beyond him, he'd have to stoop down to even find the old man.

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><p>AN: I know he hasn't been named in show yet. But I _needed_ his name to be used here. Besides, some substantial amount of time passes within these anyway. Two more after this.


	5. Like a Diamond

There was a saying. A diamond in the rough. That could definitely apply to him. When they first found him, he was raw power with the potential to be great.

Dinah had helped cut away the jagged areas, made him a better fighter. He _controlled_ every aspect of a fight now, in terms of strength and skill. Student had yet to surpass teacher, but she'd slow down eventually. Maybe when she was in her fifties…

Batman had trained discipline and reasoning into him. That saying about learning being painful? Completely true. Mentally and physically. One day, when he no longer cared about being smacked with a Kryptonite-laced gauntlet, he was going to get Batman a plaque that said just that:

'Learning Is Painful'

He'd have little, green-tipped batarangs added to the border. Just for that extra, personal touch.

They both taught him respect, for others and for himself. They'd helped him become confident. Not cocky or conceited, but _aware_ of exactly what he could do and able to do it.

Over the years, those two had clashed some about…differing teaching practices. Robin used to joke about 'Mom and Dad tearing the family apart'. How only 'Uncle Red Tornado' was giving them the 'emotional support' they needed. Eventually, the 'parents' had worked through everything, but not before making for some good laughs for the team.

The team…they'd smoothed him out to something else entirely. They helped make him human. Without them, he didn't think he'd ever see himself as more than a weapon. Scratch that: as _not _a weapon. Never more than Superman's clone. His replacement. His unwanted, genetic bastard.

His acceptance didn't matter to him. He had confidence in who he was, that his existence mattered, even without _him_. Especially without him.

These people accepted him. These people knew him. These people were family.

Dinah had said she almost pitied Superman. He had no idea what he'd missed out on.


	6. In the Sky

**In the sky**

The clear evening sky over Metropolis was not unknown to have its resident fly boy zooming about. While most people lived their life on the ground, rarely bothering to look to the skies, there were a few who made it a point to sit and watch. Certainly not to star-gaze. Artificial stars blocked out the real ones in cities like these.

But if a body was patient and watched long enough, that person just might catch a glimpse of the Superman himself.

Kevin Cole was very patient. Unusual for a boy his age, but he was. Every night, long after he was supposed to be in bed, the nine-year old boy would scoot out to his apartment balcony with his ginormous pair of binoculars, sit down on the lounge chair and wait. Watch.

He'd started doing this months ago, after Superman saved his dad and some other fire fighters. To the little boy, his dad was his hero. But Superman was his _dad's_ hero. That was someone he wanted to see.

The odds of Kevin actually seeing Superman, despite his frequent flier miles, was incredibly low however. He would have to be flying just so low at a figuratively slow speed in just this particular stretch of sky during this certain time. The odds were against him. Eventually, he _might_ come around, but he more than likely would not.

It's very hard to kill a child's faith though.

At a quarter past twelve, a dark, tiny speck a distance off caught Kevin's attention. He brought his binoculars to his eyes and watched as the speck came toward him, looming larger and more definite. The light from millions of city buildings all around him showed what he was looking for.

A bright, red 'S' stamped on yellow and blue. His red cape breezed behind him.

Kevin leapt out of his chair and to the balcony rail in a single bound. He whooped and hollered, not caring that he was probably waking not only his parents but the rest of the apartment tenants as well.

If Superman hadn't heard, or ignored him, that may have very well have broken his little, hero-worshipping heart. What Superman did instead was not only _see_ him was swoop down, smile, and _wave_ at him as he went by.

Bug-eyed and gaping, Kevin could barely even breathe. He thought he might need an inhaler, which was odd as he was not asthmatic. His mom was going to kill him for being up so late. His dad was probably still sleeping like the dead and would never notice he was missing. It was worth it though. Superman just waved at him. _Superman_ waved at _him_! Despite his impending doom, Kevin felt like the luckiest kid on the planet.

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><p>Superman continued his patrol over Metropolis. On a large scale, crime was at a low, and Justice League members like him had more time to spend in their own cities. He flew towards the down town area once more before he would call it a night. Things were so quiet, he almost thought he might pack it in now.<p>

Until a sound caught his attention, and he looked over his shoulder. Even from this distance, Superman was able to identify his fellow flier.

His new costume held to his original colors of black and red; the 'S' in the center of his chest stylized a bit more jagged on a plane of yellow. That was new. He'd also forgone a cape. Superman had heard there'd been something like a fight over that detail. Rather than jeans, he'd upgraded to a cloth alloy fashioned with some of the material Batman used for his suit.

Unsure whether to hail the boy or not, Superman slowed his speed minutely and waited for him to make the approach. Within moments, Superboy came to fly abreast to him. He greeted his superior.

"Hail, Kal-el, Master of Games."

Superman looked at him surprised.

"You've heard about that?"

"Wally was _there_."

"Right. He did well on that mission. Kept a level head."

"So he brags."

Kent nodded his head. "I see you've had some changes made to the crest."

Conner smirked, running a hand over the symbol. "It's just a logo. It's not like it means anything, right?"

Superman almost said something. It doesn't mean anything? Of course it did! It was his family crest. What was he thinking? Then he remembered.

He was the only one who knew that. He hadn't even told Bruce that. How did he expect Superboy to know? That would require more than the occasional, idle chatter they'd had over the years in between their long periods of silence.

The silence that followed now was as awkward for him as it'd ever been. He never had quite gotten used to being around Superboy. He was always too aware of what he was. Superboy didn't seem to notice the tension, however. Just when he was about to bid his farewell –

"Wait up," Superboy held up a finger and stopped mid-air as his other hand went to his ear. "What's up, Meg? What? …No, I couldn't have possibly have heard you right. Say it again…Has Wally been hitting the Red Bull again? Tre_man_dous? That's worse than Mr. Fantastic!"

Superman hovered awkwardly, aware that he was listening in on both sides of the conversation – _He was changing his name?_ – , but unable to do anything about it. He considered the boy before him. Although, _boy _might be pushing it. They'd found Superboy ten years ago. Technically something like eleven, physically twenty-six, he'd come a long way from the kid he used to be.

He was a full-fledged member of the Justice League, along with the rest of the former Young Justice members. Kaldur, however, now mentored Young Justice in place of Black Canary. Young Justice was still Batman's team though. Always would be.

Superboy floated absently while he spoke to the person – M'gann – on the other end of the com link.

"Tell Cassie and Rose that it's not funny when he's like that…Well, yeah…maybe a little… Okay, a lot, but Rob shouldn't have put it on Youtube in the first place…Nightwing, Robin, whatever he's calling himself now! But do you remember how much damage he caused last time? Just try to contain him, and I'm on my way."

Superboy turned back around and held his hands helplessly. "Sorry. YJ business."

"You do realize that you're not actually a member of that team anymore?" he asked not unkindly.

He rolled his eyes, drifting farther from the original Man of Steel. "Tell that to the Bat. But whatever. I misspoke. Family business then."

Superboy turned halfway to go and gave Superman a mock salute with an easy grin.

"Later, old man."

As his clone flew farther and farther to become nothing more than a speck among the city lights, Superman frowned. He couldn't help but feel he was missing something. Or he'd already missed it. Shrugging it off, he continued his rounds before going home to his apartment. He had a big day planned tomorrow.


End file.
